This has so much epic-win that my monitor blinked in and out for a while. I luff it! Marlene is such a cute character. Now onto the bashing-er-i mean critique... yes... critique. I love "Advanced Critique Encouraged". >:3


The panels seem disproportioned. What I mean by that is, certain panels that would be better in a smaller frame are in a large frame and vice-versa. In comic-ing, sizing is important for delivering the full effect of the frame. The placement also adds and/or takes away and you need a little more work on that. As far as pacing, I thought that went well. The story flowed and it didn't feel choppy. All in all, not bad. I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

Pretty interesting actually^^! I like it!

--
"Dead men, dead men
swinging in a tree
How many dead men
do you see?
Tongue turned blue and
face gone grey
Watch them as they
twist and sway..."

I wish you luck in the next round!

--
"You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them - I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don't think so... no!"
-Severus Snape

I hope so.

--
"I don't have too many friends, okay? You punch them once and it's 'lease don't punch me any more'" -Jorgen Von Stranlge

You know... whenever I look at the last panel with Theo and Marlene walking away, I can't help but think of Theodore saying:

"This looks like the start of a beautiful friendship...."

Also, I won't argue with the idea that Theo could be knocked out that easily (he didn't expect it so it's plausible) but in the scene after he wakes up I would have him pouting/crying instead of being angry (it's rare for him to be like that, especially around children). He adores children so the idea that one would be afraid of him and attack would make him sad. However, the fact that he got over the incident almost instantly was enough that I'm willing to forgive you for it.

Anyway, seeing that this comment box says "Advanced Critique Encouraged" I might as well say something about it.

*Ahem*

I know English isn't your first language (where as I had a hard time with it despite it being my native language) but seeing as you are trying to understand what you have done wrong and how to correct it, I'm going to point out your mistakes in your writing. Don't worry. I may have had trouble with certain concepts of English in my classes but grammer and mechanics are my strong points. At least, they're the ones I'm conscious of. I still use a dictionary for words that I have doubts on its spelling and yet I still write better than most people I meet on the Internet....

I digress. Let's start with the panel 2 which contains the first bit of dialogue. You should use "mentioned" instead of "said."

In panel 4, it should be written as "How can I go anywhere if there's no one around to take me?"

The sentence in the panel 5 annoyed me to no end the first time I saw it as I had to keep reading and re-reading it, despite undertanding what you were trying to say. This one was a little hard for me to rewrite but I think the best way to write that properly would be, "I finally get to take a break from this tournament and yet for me to try to go anywhere else is so troubleso--" The main problem that I had was trying to find a way to end it with "troubleso--" to make it easier on you.

For panel 12, I think it would look better if you wrote, "Wait... that voice sounded familiar...." (Just to let you know, "..." is used when there is a continuation while "...." is used when there isn't going to be anything written after that). It's fine even if you leave it written as it is but my suggestion makes it sound like an afterthought which I think suits the moment perfectly.

Theodore's second line in panel 19 would be better if you wrote, "I was looking all over for you!" Once again, this is my personal opinion. And while we are on this panel, in Marlene's second sentence you should replace "some stalker" with "a stalker."

The sentence in panel 20 should say, "Besides, what are you doing here anyway?" Either that or, "Besides, why are you out here anyway?"

In panel 21, it should be written as, "Well, ever since our match I noticed that your power was underdeveloped...."

And finally, panel 22. It sounds better to me if you replace "should" with "will". The it makes Theodore sound assertive in his speach. Writing "should" makes it sound like he's thinking about it and doesn't care whether he does it or not.

That's all I can say about this piece you've done. I enjoyed reading this despite the writing errors and I enjoy seeing Theodore drawn by you again. Although... that looks like three zippered pockets too many on his jacket there. Then again, I am comparing it to the brown jacket I own.

--
"Time flies like an arrow while fruit flies like a banana."

"Illusion is the first of all pleasures." -- Oscar Wilde

"Alright... I want to cast a spell." -- Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon, Unforgotten Realms ([link])